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Thursday, June 15, 2017

Note To My Sons Before Father's Day


One of the greatest joys in my life is being Papa to both of you, my sons, and I wanted to take some time to put down a few thoughts on what I want to impart to you two on what I find important in life so that, when you have children of your own, you can pass on your own to them.

First off, seek wisdom and not wealth. There are so few who still choose the path of wisdom over the path of wealth. If wealth should come, that's fine, but don't make it your ultimate goal. I hear so many people say, "If I only had more money, I would be..." There is no being in wealth or acquisition of it or possessions. Being is never found in the external but is only an internal work of maturity and  practice formed in daily habit.  Wisdom is begun in wonder. Never be afraid to invite the question. Only be afraid of the places and the people who don't and won't allow others to, either. And every question does not need an answer. Sometimes it is enough to just ask and to simply be present in the mystery that cannot be answered. Always keep an open mind. A closed mind shows open ignorance.
Truth is not found in facts. Facts are too dusty and frail to contain Truth. Information is not wisdom. the world is too full of information and too lacking in wisdom.

Choose delight over terror, joy over fear, amazement over judgment, and curiosity over cynicism. Cynicism is far too easy in this world. It is much braver and harder to be open and compassionate. It is difficult to find optimism in a society that promotes distrust and creates the "other." There are no others in this world. Just as you were created in the image of God, so, too, are everyone that you meet. Sometimes it's harder to find that spark within them, though it may be buried deep within the hidden wounds we cannot see.

Many people will try to tell you what success is, but do not become misguided in the desire to make a name for yourself. It is not about who people claim or believe you to be, it is about who you really are when no one's around. Your choices will determine your character. You will make mistakes, learn from them. Allow them to shape you but not define you. Failure is not failing but allowing that failure to stop you, from blinding you to the opportunities they provide for growth, maturity and understanding.

Don't let hardships make you hard. Hurts can heal if you don't choose hatred. Too many in our world often express their pain through anger, hostility, and violence. Don't be one of them. Learn to lament because only by mourning or grieving can one know peace. It is only when we try to avoid sorrow that we keep ourselves from wholeness. Those wounds you suffer are also ways to reach out to those who are suffering and to help them heal. This requires the strength of humility and vulnerability with others. That is not an easy choice but it is the right one, even if you get hurt by them in the process.

What is the trait I want most for both of you?

Kindness.

I want you to become kind men. There need to be more of them.

Don't try to be tough. Masculinity is not found there. It's found in tenderness, in not being afraid to cry, or to express one's thoughts and feelings. You do not have to prove yourselves, you just need to truly be yourselves. Be the caring, thoughtful and generous people I know that you both really are.

Let your love be unconditional, your imagination be infinite, your passion be filled with compassion.

Be present. Only when you are awake and aware can you see the miracles of life that are all around you. Never neglect the small and insignificant because, when one draws closer to them, one may just as well discover the Infinite.

Know that I am always proud of you both. Not because of what you achieve, but because of who you both are. My approval is never based on awards or accolades, but on the simple fact that you are my sons and I love you.  This means I love you for exactly who you are and not on what grades you get, awards you're given, or material success you have in life. My love will not rise and fall with the tides of accomplishments. Love does not withdraw when you fail and then return when you have achievements because my love is not an elevator that goes up and down with how you perform. That's not love.

Seek contentment and joy, which are not found in circumstances but in the rootedness of who you are and Whose you are.

Love music, not noise.

Be a creator, not a consumer.

Encourage others. Build them up instead of tearing them down, as we have too many people in this world who do the opposite. While it's easy to find fault, its more Christ-like to find beauty and goodness, especially in the frailties of others.

May your hearts know love. Your arms, embrace. Your mind, dreams.

Let your lives be filled with the little, simple joys of life because they alone are the ones that make for a truly rich life. One of those, I pray you find, is hearing yourself called, "Papa."

I love you both. I love you dearly.



Sunday, June 11, 2017

Being In The Beatitudes: Modeling Meekness


As a Papa to two sons, as I approach the verse 5:5, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth," I began to ponder: How does one best model meekness for them? It's certainly not something we see in our culture very often. More often, boys look up to athletes who arrogantly brag and boast. We certainly cannot imagine them in terms of "meekness." In fact, I would dare to say that if men and boys were polled they would defined meekness as weakness. They would see meekness as timid, fragile, and wimpy. Is that what Christ is referring to when he said the meek would inherit the earth? Is he referencing those who are spineless, frail and are push-overs?

Was Jesus really saying, "Blessed are the weaklings and cowards, for they shall inherit the earth"?

The Hebrew word for meek is anav and means: poor, afflicted, humble.
The Greek word is praus and means: mild, gentle

Most of us would hear words like "poor and afflicted" with disdain and are definitely not quick to embrace them. How many of us want to model that for our kids?

Meekness is not a lack of confidence. It is not being a doormat. It is not being indecisive.


In my own life, I grew up with a strong example of meekness in my grandfather, who I called "Papa Fred." He was a quiet and humble man, who was strong of character. At his funeral, everyone spoke of him being a "true gentleman" and it that he never said an unkind word about anyone. I cannot recall a single time he ever raised his voice and yet I saw him as strong, as someone to emulate and want to be like. When I first read the novel To Kill a Mockingbird, I could not help but see the character of Atticus Finch in terms of my grandfather. There was that quiet strength that both men have. They do not brag or complain, but live their lives in a manner that reflects their dignity and the dignity of others. They do not see the need to put others down to make themselves look better. Atticus tells his son Jem, "I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what." My grandfather, like Atticus, understood that one made the choice to do the right thing, even when it wasn't the easy thing to do, and that the majority is not one's conscience and should never be. He was the one who taught me that a closed mind showed open ignorance. His strength was a deep, inner strength.  He may not have been what the world deems successful, but to me, he was what I wanted most to become. I saw how a man who was far from wealthy, still did what he could to help others, including taking in family members in need to live in the small, two-bedroom house he and my grandmother lived in. 


One of the strongest examples in our modern culture of meekness is Fred Rogers. Like my grandfather, Mister Rogers was a mild, quiet man who treated others with dignity and respect. As a child, I loved watching his television show on PBS. His voice and demeanor was always calm and gentle. He spoke directly to the camera, to us, and made us feel we mattered, that we were important, and that we really was his neighbor. I saw in him a living example of someone who took Christ's words that all were our neighbors literally. He brought viewers into his community. "Mutual caring relationships," he once said, "requires kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain." When I read those words, I thought, "He just encapsulated the Beatitudes." And everyone who knew Fred Rogers would vouch that the man lived his life just as he presented on television. There was no on-screen Fred Rogers and a different one off-camera. Even when he accepted his lifetime achievement award, he used the opportunity to make those in the audience feel good about themselves, he made this award not about himself, but about others and kindness. "We live in a world," he said, "in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes."

Fred Rogers was not a weak, indecisive man. No, he was a true leader who led by example, by compassion, by seeing the worth of each and every person. I think of men like him when I read Matthew 5:5, especially in how Eugene H. Peterson translated this verse as, "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

Meekness is drawing one's strength not from bullying others or bragging about one's own accomplishments or from what one has attained and owns. It's not boastful or flexing one's muscles. The strength one has in meekness is realizing that one does not need to do any of those things to be noticed because they aren't seeking to be noticed. They are simply living their lives in a manner that exhorts and encourages, lifts up instead of tearing down, reaches out in mercy and compassion instead of always trying to angle for what they can get out of a situation or relationship. They realize that the best way to approach interactions with others is not as transactional but as transformational.

This is why I try to model meekness for my sons. I want them to grow up and become the kind of men who aren't cocky and arrogant, who don't need to put others down but to treat everyone with dignity and respect. I attempt to live my life in a way that is not pushy, self-serving and filled with self-assertion. I don't want them to believe in the survival of the fittest, that the strong should devour the weak, but, instead, that the they should identify themselves with the weak and to work for the equality and justice of all who are oppressed or discriminated against.

I teach my sons that no matter how smart they are, there is always someone who is smarter (and to learn from them) and those who are not (and to help teach them). Whatever talents they have, they are to be used, not to make a name for oneself, but to humbly use whatever gifts they have to establish community and the best in others.

Meekness is stepping outside of self to serving. When I look up meekness, the first image that appears is of Christ washing the feet of his disciples. Meekness is setting aside one's pride to humble oneself to serve. It is not thinking too highly or too lowly of oneself, because one isn't thinking of oneself. One is focused on others.

Men like my Papa Fred and Fred Rogers lived this out in their daily lives. When others saw their humility, they did not mock or deride their characters, but spoke highly and admired them for their peaceful natures, their givingness, their tender-hearted and kind natures. These were not men who were seen as weak but as self-less helpers. They both treated all as their neighbors.

Fred Rogers said, "When I say it's you I like, I'm talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed."

I strive to model meekness because the world needs more people who understand the strength that comes with humility and integrity, mercy and compassion, kindness and generosity. If we view meekness that way, why wouldn't we want the meek to inherit the earth? It would be a better world for it.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

A Well Of Wonder



Ever since I first read the Narnia and Middle Earth series by C.S. Lewis and J.R.R, Tolkien, I have been fascinated by the lives and faith of both men. Over the years I have continued to read more of not only their own writing, but books on both Lewis and Tolkien, as well as their group The Inklings. Needless to say, I am excited every time a new book comes out in the hopes of learning more. The latest offering is Clyde S. Kilby's A Well of Wonder: Essays on C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien and the Inklings. Like most books on the subject, it's heavier on Lewis and Tolkien. Kilby, who was a professor at Wheaton, founded Marion E. Wade Center, which became the center for studying the Inklings, Dorothy L. Sayers, and their influences (including George MacDonald).

The book begins with a wonderful poem by Luci Shaw that's a tribute to her late professor, Clyde S. Kilby that not only encapsulates the man she knew, but those about which this book is written, and the world of imagination and faith they all brought to the world. She writes how he "swung open for all of us the wardrobe door" and caused us to ""re-explore" the worlds these men created (Middle Earth, Narnia, Utter East, Prelandra) and ends the poem with:

There in that room
we smell the past, untainted by decay or death
but fragrant, for in there
the mallorns bloom
and all the blessed air
is warm with Aslan's breath.

It's library as eternity. The wonder is Eternal Wonder. Shaw encapsulates what all of these men were doing in their own work: imagination and mythology pointing heavenward. 

Kilby's A Well of Wonder is a collection of essays, discussions, talks and interviews that are broken up into three sections:

1. C.S. Lewis
2. J.R.R. Tolkien
3. The Inklings

Each of the sections have small portraits of the men they are covering, but most of the essays focus on topics of theology, mythology and the shape all of these men have had on imagination. While Kilby only met Lewis once, he did strike up a friendship with Tolkien whereby the two men began writing to each other. Kilby would return to Oxford to help his friend with the publication of The Silmarillion.

One of my favorite essays in this collection is the one on Dorothy L. Sayers, best known for her mystery novels (with her sleuth Lord Peter Wimsey), but who, like Lewis and Tolkien, knew a great deal about classical and modern languages. Like Lewis, Sayers was also a Christian apologist, with her best known book being The Mind of the Maker.

Throughout the book, Clyde S. Kilby takes up the subject that Lewis, Tolkien and the Inklings held: that at the heart of all myth is symbol and truth and that all mythology is meant to point one to the reality of the Truth that is found in Christianity (the True Myth). It was the argument that Tolkien used to convert Lewis to the faith.

Like the authors he is writing about, Kilby brings a sense of wonder about his subject, which is not really the men he's writing about, but about the Source that inspired all of their writings. For those who might be intimidated by reading a collection of essays by a noted scholar, Kilgy's writing style is more conversational and easily approachable to anyone interested in the subject.



Sunday, June 4, 2017

Begin In Wonder


Recently I've begun a new blog that asks the question, "How can we lead a more meaningful life?" It is an exploration of curiosity, asking questions and finding new perspectives through literature, poetry, the arts, nature, science and philosophy. It's a place to undertake wondering and wandering in this glorious world around us. It's meant as an encouragement and a place of nourishment. It's about finding new ways to learn how to pay attention and be present. It's about making the connections between creativity and creation, thought and awareness, science and spirit. If this is something that interests you, here is the link for you to check my new blog out: